Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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