My hand turned me down
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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