I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He? As in you personified your dick?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
