Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
