Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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