she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
