My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish you could order shots online.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
