She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
