I just threw up on my dentist
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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