i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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