i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I AM VODKA MAN
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
