I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
