If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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