this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She's the barista slut.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
