My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
