so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
