Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
