just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
