i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
