I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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