I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
