I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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