just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
