exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
