she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
