i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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