Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
