How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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