Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
