i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
