Non-Jews are for practice
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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