i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
