And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
