jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Do you have feelings for this penis?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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