i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
