Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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