i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
A bitchslap is in order.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
