Where did you get a picture of my penis
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
