Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
