He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
