Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
