I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
my poor anus
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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