Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
