Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
