The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
