don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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