i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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