I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
