lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
