Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i drank out of a bidet.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
